November 6, 2005

• a sense of loss

  
  

  i am experiencing a sense of loss at the moment. i have felt this before but tried to push it away so that i wouldn't feel it so much. but this time i actually treasure this temporary sense of loss, perhaps because i have the strength to stay calm.

  
  

  when you are lost, you become very resourceful in trying to overcome the situation. hence you attempt things you would not think of doing when you feel secure and sure of what you should be doing.

  
  

  it's a trying time but i think it's very valuable. the most valuable times in my life have been trying times, when i had it easy, i didn't learn anything and in retrospect i regretted having wasted time feeling so comfortable i didn' t have to question anything. 

  
  

  i want to suspend seeking security, i want to dwell in this sense of loss a little longer. you never find anything new if you're not looking for something new.

  
  

  things that have started to change:

  
  

  1. my friends. i am making new friends and some of the first people i met in london now feel very distant, like we have gone in different directions. i'm meeting a lot of christians from imperial, ucl and lse, i must say they are pretty impressive.

  
  

  2. london. london is becoming a lot friendlier. the same old places are being given a new layer of experiences, as i link them to more people. it is no longer a city itself but a set of landmarks (the lui's flat, the old lui's flat which used to be my old flat, buckingham gate, the church on marsham street, the pub next to p's flat) connected to other parts of the world, like hong kong, singapore and china.

  • 5:11 pm
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