August 15, 2005

• happy 15th august! wah. this day is like christmas in greece. well today i forgot about it, and my mother rang at 10am at the office to chat to me. i had to tell her that i am under pressure because i was! lol...i suppose she misses me. i haven't seen my parents in 1.5 years. but if you know someone very well, you don't have to see them. i don't need them and when i feel like sharing my thoughts, about once in two weeks, i pick up the phone and call them. usually i let them tell me what they're up to, because that pleases them.

  
  

  my mother is changing as she gets older. first of all she listens...and secondly, she's tired of working. man, this can only be good.

  
  

  i have little time for and little patience with my parents right now, but i think it's quite justified. they're not fussy so they're quite suprised and impressed that i turned out well.(well..i'm not a baddie..and i've saved myself from going nowhere) i guess the criticism is that they never really saw themselves as parents, or teachers of any kind. they were too involved in their own personal struggles to care about others. in the past five-six years, the only thing that has made me raise my temper is that that they didn't give me a lot of time or thought. but i am grateful for whatever they gave me.

  
  

  my parents aren't getting any attention from me right now. but they got 18 years of full devotion, good deeds, good grades, good behaviour and love. in my parents' friends' eyes, i was a model daughter. but i guess my mother would have liked some more attention from me at this time of her life. but now i don't have time for her, the world is too big, i am going to see things, and give love to other people. but they still like me, and more importantly they respect me, and they even take my criticism well. so whenever i regret the lack of thought/time/attention etc, i think of my parents' respect towards me and i reach deep contentment.

  
  

  my parents are genuinely good people, genuinely well-meaning, genuinely trying to do the right thing (even with my dad's supershyness that borders on antisocial behaviour and my mum's superbluntness that is usually inconsiderate behaviour) and i have love for them. but even after all these years, they know nothing about parenting. i used to try hard to do what they thought was best, but soon i realised that they didn't really know what was best.

  
  

  ten years ago my father said he was worried about my plans (hehe bless) now he is quite proud of them. back when i needed encouragement, he didn't have any, so i stopped asking for it. as soon as i stopped asking for it, he started encouraging me. these days i don't talk to him much about serious stuff but when i have an earth-shattering resolution, i tell him and he is all curious. he tries to think of good ideas for me. and when i announce some far-fetched plan, he says 'if you don't do it stella, who will?'  so we've come a long way and that makes me happy.

  
  

  my dad started from nothing and went far, and would also have travelled far, but somehow got stuck. so he's happy for me to travel far. i'm grateful for that.

  • 6:41 pm
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