my calling...

i'm here to love

i have a calling!

~~~ commit...my plans...to God...is what i'll do...this is the only thing I want!! ~~~

he'll open certain doors and close others...so i'll end up where he wants me to be.

i have peace of mind now...but i must remember that...it's too easy for me to forget it, and to start wanting this and wanting that...and losing touch with my purpose and devotion...

so how can i do it? find out where i can be useful...and just be useful...

a girl from our group is leaving London tomorrow...she was saying that people here loved her and their love changed her....

I know this feeling...and i tried to comfort her...i remember very well how this has happened in the past...and usually the friend who leaves, comes back....friends are forever...and love is all-powerful

podcastingggg!!!! listening to some crappy podcasts hahaha!! they sound like two people talking in a living room...which is probably what it is.

http://www.apple.com/podcasting/

p.s. you can search podcasts by city, or any other keyword..yeh...find out what the world is doing!!!

I iz tired. These days I need all the help in the world to stay awake. I had given up coffee for a little while, but today i am officially back to funding starbucks. can i have a wet moccha please. no airconditioning at the office helps make me even more vegetable-y around 4pm. never mind, one more week till holiday, who cares, let's have another one, i gotta finish my work.

nite nite. gonna aim for an early start tomorrow. fingers xx-ed.

everything is looking good! even when things are bad, i make them look good. no point being sad...right? ai...i have to be smarter. i have to think more. think more. laze less.

(from the broadcasting house newsletter)

How old are some of the planes flying around the globe? 
Is there a universal set of safety standards in operation? 
How much fuel us being used up and if we continue to fly more and more, then does it get safer or more dangerous?

Flying is good. Good for individuals, and good for the society as a whole. It brings us closer together. It's wastefulness that we should cut down on, like leaving on overnight and over the weekend all the lights in all the buildings in all the business areas of London.

my parents went from their nice humane towns to the sprawl of athens, stepped into a society they didn't know and one day they woke up and athens had taught them nothing but the pursuit of self-gratification through making money. 

what did london teach me? how to be examined. how to love. how to care. how to think. how to help. how to discuss with the outcome in mind. and many other things. i am grateful for london.

corruption is not necessarily acting against the law; it is losing good values for bad ones. this can only happen if you lose track of your thoughts and actions. my dad and his bookshelves of gilded Bibles, Marx's Capital, and Rainer Maria Rilke...has had thirty years of unexamined personal life. he is only beginning to judge what he does, to look inward, but he's perfect at looking outward, analysing business plans, history and politics. but if you can't judge yourself, how do you know you're on the right track? aiya.

'the unexamined life is not worth living'

I know...we should respect our elders. well perhaps i know too much about them to respect them. but i do understand them and will remember them as much as i can.

happy 15th august! wah. this day is like christmas in greece. well today i forgot about it, and my mother rang at 10am at the office to chat to me. i had to tell her that i am under pressure because i was! lol...i suppose she misses me. i haven't seen my parents in 1.5 years. but if you know someone very well, you don't have to see them. i don't need them and when i feel like sharing my thoughts, about once in two weeks, i pick up the phone and call them. usually i let them tell me what they're up to, because that pleases them.

my mother is changing as she gets older. first of all she listens...and secondly, she's tired of working. man, this can only be good.

i have little time for and little patience with my parents right now, but i think it's quite justified. they're not fussy so they're quite suprised and impressed that i turned out well.(well..i'm not a baddie..and i've saved myself from going nowhere) i guess the criticism is that they never really saw themselves as parents, or teachers of any kind. they were too involved in their own personal struggles to care about others. in the past five-six years, the only thing that has made me raise my temper is that that they didn't give me a lot of time or thought. but i am grateful for whatever they gave me.

my parents aren't getting any attention from me right now. but they got 18 years of full devotion, good deeds, good grades, good behaviour and love. in my parents' friends' eyes, i was a model daughter. but i guess my mother would have liked some more attention from me at this time of her life. but now i don't have time for her, the world is too big, i am going to see things, and give love to other people. but they still like me, and more importantly they respect me, and they even take my criticism well. so whenever i regret the lack of thought/time/attention etc, i think of my parents' respect towards me and i reach deep contentment.

my parents are genuinely good people, genuinely well-meaning, genuinely trying to do the right thing (even with my dad's supershyness that borders on antisocial behaviour and my mum's superbluntness that is usually inconsiderate behaviour) and i have love for them. but even after all these years, they know nothing about parenting. i used to try hard to do what they thought was best, but soon i realised that they didn't really know what was best.

ten years ago my father said he was worried about my plans (hehe bless) now he is quite proud of them. back when i needed encouragement, he didn't have any, so i stopped asking for it. as soon as i stopped asking for it, he started encouraging me. these days i don't talk to him much about serious stuff but when i have an earth-shattering resolution, i tell him and he is all curious. he tries to think of good ideas for me. and when i announce some far-fetched plan, he says 'if you don't do it stella, who will?'  so we've come a long way and that makes me happy.

my dad started from nothing and went far, and would also have travelled far, but somehow got stuck. so he's happy for me to travel far. i'm grateful for that.

omg how could i forget...

architecture takes a long time to grasp in all its dimensions. it's inexhaustible. one needs a lot of patience. this is not the age of patience. so extra effort is required.

currently my work is very different from what i studied. but looking back at what we did and how we were taught, i'm grateful for my tutors, especially the last one..colin is the bomb! someday i will go back to him physically and mentally...

today i was really frustrated because i was ill and because all the senior people in my team, who are the most fun, were away on a business trip. i had no one to giggle with because the slaves my age work all the time...! lol. I'm also a bit too keen to see what the future holds, so i'm doing quizzes. haha...quizzes are good, except when they tell you that your ideal profession is in the

~~~~~ counselling, social and guidance services ~~~~~

and in  

~~~~~ education, teaching and lecturing ~~~~~~

LOL. i'm glad i wasn't meant to be in banking, because right now i would be missing out on some serious $$$$!!!!